goodnight i made you a song goodbye
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
