11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
