i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
