He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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