Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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