I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
