I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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