Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ketchup is God's man juice
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
