Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i drank out of a bidet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
