So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
