You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
