He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
