How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
