Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize