im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
