I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
