Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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