It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
