best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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