Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
