How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
