My first STD was from a foam party
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Panties = found
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