R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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