I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
