The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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