1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need to calm my uterus...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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