fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
