i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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