I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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