why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
