Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
