I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
