so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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