am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
