I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
