And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
