Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
