I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
