found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
