I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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