Define "chronic" masturbator.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Farmville is her only friend.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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