she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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