Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
