the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
