if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We left the knife in your bed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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