they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
