oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well you can't waste a boner
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
