Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
