she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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