If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
