the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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