When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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