I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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