in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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