i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
