i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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