my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
