Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
