I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
