Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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